Letting Go Of Holding On
Reader I am not trying to please you. Let’s just get this straight before you read on. Artists don’t create art to please people, they create out of necessity. Sometimes life doesn’t leave you other options nor instructions on how to cope with it. This is my offering of words and music; yours to appreciate or to simply scroll on in your on going quest for self-gratification.
I’m letting go of holding on.
In many respects my debut EP, Water, is symbolic of letting go of many things: control, love, friendships and fear. Although if I’m completely honest ‘Water’ hasn’t been the constant creative flow I would have liked it to have been, it’s been more like the stop/starting of a rusty tap.
You see I’ve spent nearly 4 years helping to run a global academy for songwriters. I’ve found myself in writing sessions with multi-platinum hit writers. Being around people who at the top of their game can be a curse and a blessing. Suddenly everyone has an informed opinion to consider.
An occasional well-meant comment here and there about the way you sing and all of a sudden, the pipes seize up again. It’s bad enough dealing with your own constant flow of internal negative chatter; sprinkle in everyone’s creative preferences and you have a recipe for delay.
I can only liken it to bearing a new-born child; you want to wrap your songs up and protect them from the world. But perfection I’ve painfully discovered is a destructive myth, the sworn enemy of art and killer of creativity. Perfection breeds inaction. There comes a point where you just stop and think – f*ck it. So somewhere along the line I made up my mind to ‘switch on the tap’.
Thinking back, the ex-project manager in me took over where the artist stalled. I made a long list of everything I had to do and did five things a day – four small and one big. I watched my peers working on their own projects and became energised by their movements. I talked about it to friends, family and colleagues, updated my vision board and asked the universe ‘help me please I am going CRAZY’. That seemed to work you know.
Since I began the release campaign, I still get sudden waves of sickness every time somebody comments online about the songs. Although somewhere in the brink of nausea, there’s still something wonderfully cathartic about seeing something you’ve created through to the finish. There’s a divinity in framing your art, stepping away and gazing on as an onlooker. Being completely unapologetic and seeking no other validation other than acknowledgement of completion.
So how do you let go of something you love? That my friends is the million dollar question. The only answer I can offer is that it may have never truly been yours to hold onto in the first place.